How to Tell Friends and Family That You’re Eloping | Plus 4 Ways to Include Them
Making the decision to elope feels incredibly liberating. You get to marry your partner in an intimate setting that's both authentic and meaningful to both of you. You may even feel like a weight has been lifted as all of the expectations and stress that come with a traditional wedding vanish into thin air. But then reality sets in…and you have to tell your friends and family.
If you're nervous to tell them, that's entirely understandable. While eloping is how you dream of getting married, it may not be quite what your friends or family members had in mind when you told them you were engaged. Fortunately, I have some tips for you on how to tell your friends and family that you're eloping, as well as some ideas on how to include them in your celebration.
Three Tips on How to Tell Your Family and Friends That You've Chosen to Elope
Tell them in person or via video chat.
The easiest way to tell your friends and family is to do it in person. It's best to do it at home or somewhere private rather than in a crowded restaurant where they might feel uncomfortable. Doing it in person does allow them to see how much you care and that this decision is important to you and your partner.
If you can't do it in person, a video call is the next best thing. This will allow you to answer any questions they may have and give them a chance to express their feelings about your decision. While seeing their reactions may feel uncomfortable, it will help you navigate the situation better and understand how they’re feeling.
Prepare for negative reactions and remember the day is for you and you alone.
No matter how close you are to your family and friends, they may react negatively to your news. The initial shock may leave them feeling hurt, disappointed, or even angry.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by their reactions, take a step back and remember that the day is about you and your partner. It's okay to put your wedding day first and to not let their reactions dictate how you feel about your decision.
Share why you are eloping.
Your loved ones' hurt feelings are often the result of them simply not understanding why you've chosen to elope. They may take your decision personally, assuming that you didn't want them to be involved in your big day.
A mindful way of preventing this is to explain why you've chosen to elope. Whether it's because you want a more intimate wedding, you're on a tight budget, or you want to avoid the stress of planning, sharing your reasoning will help them understand your decision. They may even warm up to the idea.
[Bonus] Four Ways to Include Your Friends and Family in Your Elopement
Just because you're eloping doesn't mean that your friends and family can't still be involved in your big day. There are plenty of ways to include them, even if they're not physically present on the day of.
Shop for wedding attire together.
One way to involve your loved ones is by shopping for wedding attire together. This can be done in person or online, and it's a fun way for them to feel involved in your celebration. Even though they may not get to attend the ceremony, they'll still have played a significant part in helping you prepare for your wedding day.
Invite your family and friends to write letters for you to read on your elopement day.
Another way to involve your loved ones is by inviting them to write letters. This can be done in lieu of a traditional guest book or speeches, and it also allows your guests to share their well-wishes for you on your special day.
Let your friends and family know that you plan to read their letters at some point on your wedding day, as a way to have their support with you. Being able to read words of encouragement from your favorite people on your elopement day will add to the sentiments and emotions of your day in a big way.
Add family heirlooms and personal items to your day.
If you have any family heirlooms or items that are special to you, consider incorporating them into your elopement. Whether it’s your grandma's ring, your dad’s tie clip or the handkerchief every woman from your mom to your great great grandma has held on her wedding day, the meaning behind it is what matters. Incorporating these personal touches will help to make the day even more special, and your wedding photos will be that much more meaningful.
Seeing the ways different people share unique family heirlooms on wedding days is always a favorite of ours. An item full of love, well wishes, family luck and good intention is a beautiful way to let your family know that you cherish them. Even if they aren't physically there, a piece of your family will still be a part of your elopement day.
Have a reception party a few months after your elopement.
Consider having a reception party a few months after your elopement. Spacing it out is just another way to decrease pressure and stress. It allows you to focus on your elopement day first and your reception day second. You'll get to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family, and it's also a fun excuse to throw a fantastic party without the added stress of a wedding.
If you're worried about the party feeling too formal or traditional, remember that you can still make it your own by staying true to who you are as a couple. If you'd prefer a backyard BBQ, a classic potluck, or a dinner party at home, go for it!
Planning Tip- Having a backyard celebration? Create a fun playlist, invest in some good speakers for said playlist, throw up some string lights, get the grill going and kick back for a night of celebration, no stress or shoes required! I promise Grandma is gonna hug you just the same as if you did things the traditional route and your best friend is still gonna hype you up and dance with ya when your fave songs come through those speakers!
You can also use the party as an opportunity to share a slideshow of your wedding photos with everyone. This is a meaningful way to relive your special day and share these beautiful memories with the people who matter most to you. Even though they weren't there on the day of, seeing the love you have for each other in your photos will help them feel like a part of your elopement story. Make it more special by gifting everyone a print or two!
Eloping doesn't have to mean excluding your friends and family from your wedding day. There are plenty of ways to involve them, even if they're not present during your small ceremony. By following the tips above, you can tell your loved ones about your decision to elope and include them in this special time in your life.
If you're looking for some tips on how to start planning your elopement, be sure to check out our resource page.
Ready to elope but don't know where to get started? Hi, I’m Liz, I specialize in Pennsylvania elopement photography and planning. I help couples create an elopement day that’s intentional and stress-free by offering a supportive, knowledgeable and kind experience that includes vendor and location research, a comprehensive elopement guide and custom timeline curation, ensuring couples get beautiful photos while having an incredible time.
